It’s a little disappointing when you come to a point in your life when everything just appears to be so pointless.
The only way to escape this, is to run away. Run to that dream place I have longed for since a very young age – an island where it’s just me and nature in all it’s grandiosity and beauty, where there’s no one who knows me, or no one at all for that matter, where I can be free of all types of programming, especially all those ‘musts’.
I do not care for the perfect job, house, or car. I do not see the point in what I do in college – kill myself for grades as if it’s actually essential. I cannot see myself in a suit, behind a desk in my private office acting out the role of ‘psychologist’ even though I am a good listener and have the capability [up to a point] to help people out.
Truly, it’s all crap. But all the while I am too weak or just psychologically unprepared at the moment to get up and leave everyone behind, get rid of my safety net of college and ‘normal’ a.k.a. typical [or not so to be honest] life, and devote myself to solitude (not like I’m not lonely now, but I do have two amazing friends who I can only refer to as angels and a family who I’m just plainly used to).
So here, tonight, as my two amazing friends are off on a trip for ten days, and my parents are in another continent, as I don’t have college to make my life difficult [otherwise known as ‘full’] and as I try to convince myself that shit matters, it hits me: everything external is pointless.
Sometimes I feel sorry for people who truly believe that they have goals that actually give their lives meaning, and other times I only wish I could be so naïve coz at least the path of life wouldn’t seem so futile and I wouldn’t be struggling to convince myself not to run away every once in a while when I get these flashes. On the other hand, being consumed by this world’s obsession over money and career hunting [which I know are intertwined, no need to point it out] is one of my greatest fears.
I am tired of my schizophrenia. My mind should be told to settle down every once in a while. Bacardi Breezer has too little alcohol to help me do that.
Now to a more humanly subject… I am still pissed with that guy I went on vacation with and I don’t know what to do to get over it other than burst out and curse him. However I fear I’ll feel guilt over it later plus I’d be giving him too much value doing so. I’m probably going to end up bottling up feelings like I’ve been doing all my life although now it’s so much harder having slightly de-programmed myself from that habit. Crap.
Hey ya'll ! Give me a great big smile !
Life’s too short and pointless to frown – (see, everything can be seen positively)!
Oh and if you hear Pink’s new song “u and ur hand” … that’s me in clubs 
Cheers!
Good night!
0 Blurt(s).
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