Enough is enough.
If I continue discussing this issue it’ll be my third official day nagging and I won’t allow myself to do that. Third day. If it gets to day four I might as well go kill myself. It’s getting quite boring to be honest and I am not the typical woman to stoop to this level, thank you.

Simply enough: I went with him and nothing happened. At one point he made it clear that it was solely a friendly invite and so saved me the embarrassment of actually making a move at some point.

Other than the millions of questions going around in my head, the most important being “what the fuck did he want to go to vacation with me for? If it was just friendly, why didn’t he invite Maria who is just as close to him as I am, actually closer?”, and aside the fact that the indirect rejection has left me pissed and bitter, I am getting over this quite nicely I’ve been told, and this is due to the fact that he was a real ass in these four days, not knowing the definition of a ‘gentleman’ if his life depended on it, so the positive thing is the conclusion: “shit! I wanted a relationship with THIS guy???! It’d be like dating a 50 yr old miserable man!” – so you see the reason why I’m getting over it smoothly.

The only thing that truly bothers me is that right when I started feeling a little more confident about myself, he came along to crush the whole thing and now I am struggling not to lose all of what was gained the past few weeks coz it really was not my fault that nothing happened. But although I can say this, it is harder to believe it, especially when I considered this guy to be close to ideal (and though it was proven otherwise, there is a process I need to go through to accept this outcome!).

If I go on to tell you what happened on the “vacation” you’ll pull your hair off! The only thing I feel like saying is that it was as boring as hell and he was a real ass! So much money for NOTHING!

I guess this feeling of loneliness will remain. I no longer blame it on myself that I have not found anyone, but it still doesn’t make it any easier when I want to cuddle in someone’s arms and feel love and protection, support and affection. I just don’t think that will ever happen for me. At least I am improving relations with myself and now I can live with myself, which is a definite relief!

As cocky as it sounds, I have finally realized my worth and no guy I’ve met till now is worth my time and all I am capable of offering. Adding to that, after this experience I am more reluctant to have a relationship, and the guy who will want to get with me will have to pass many ‘tests’ and other than the fact that most are not willing to go through all the trouble (obviously, since there are so many sluts out there now whose demands are …non-existent), they won’t be able to pass the tests -> what I need is difficult to find anyway.
Better alone than with a guy who won’t treat me right.

I’m off now! Take care!